Behind the bar

While we were in Toronto attending PDW (Professional Development Week), it became apparent how divided our class was socially. While we're all somewhat similar in our interests, in our academic aptitude and our interest in pharmacy-related issues and tourism in Toronto (my secret real reason for going in the first place), it's incredibly rare to see people interact out of their preferred cliques for anything more than superficial small talk or assigned group assignments. Obviously, there were people from different cliques attending PDW, and there was an incident that made glaringly apparent what has been ostensibly obvious to all of us for so long.

There is a clear apathy towards getting to know our classmates. I am rather confident that apathy is the best word to use, because it's not that people are actively trying to exclude others. It's not that we don't have social people in our class, and it's not that we're so keen and competitive that we don't want to give our classmates any advantage. The reason why we are so 'cliquey' is because it takes far too much effort to get to know someone else, as opposed to slipping into familiar talk and laughter with people you already know very well.

As Julia spoke to us about her frustration with this situation, we (myself, Tzu and Julianna) all felt guilty of this passive exclusion of others. See, the three of us had been touring Toronto by ourselves, even though Julia was our roommate. And while Julia denied feeling excluded and was happy with us as roommates (because that's how wonderful she is), the absence of bad feelings isn't good enough. I can't help but wonder what could have been, if we had actively tried to hang out with other people, if we had sacrificed what we actually wanted to do in Toronto for time spent with our own classmates.

Today, back in UBC, I was running late from peer teaching and walked into lecture 10 minutes late into Dr. Bandiera's class. Instead of sitting in my usual seat, just in front of the bar, I decided to sit in the back "behind the bar," as there was a convenient seat waiting for me. I was pleasantly surprised by the next four hours of lecture. Anca, a girl who I have barely spoken two sentences to since the beginning of term, was ridiculously friendly. Beyond just sharing the notes that I had missed at the beginning of class, she made occasional jokes and observations with a cutting humour that I appreciated. In between lecture, I saw how people actually got out of their seats "above the bar" to walk around and mingle a bit, and I chatted with Brett, Greg and Chris for a bit too.

To be honest, I would still feel slightly intimidated to do what I used to do in Science One, and walk around randomly chatting with people. It's hard to change what I've been doing for two and a half years. But I wonder what could have been for our class, if we had all taken just that little extra bit of effort to know the people we don't know.

All in all, after some reflection, I've found that in contrast to worrying about people disliking me, people are actually showing me far more kindness than I deserve. People engage me in conversation, say hi, and save me notes, and it's not just the people that I consider my friends within this Pharmacy class.

Conversely, there are a few people who I really do consider my friends, but sometimes I feel like a "third wheel" or even a "fifth wheel," someone to talk to when they run out of options. And I need to figure out a way to ensure that I'm not treating people the same way.