How are you doing?

On Tuesday, during our Pharmacokinetics course, Dr. Ensom delivered a very inspiring lecture that was actually the keynote address to the Rho Chi delegates at a conference in Kentucky. The theme was her top ten "tips for success" from an academic and career perspective, as she used many intriguing examples of things she has learned along the way. To put this into perspective, these last weeks have been somewhat of a stressful one for me; although I haven't been doing a lot of homework and have been relaxing as much as possible, that was more a product of me trying to maintain my mental health as opposed to actually having nothing to do. So while Dr. Ensom's lecture spoke to more of a strategy for career success, I took it quite personally and I'm going to try to jot down my thoughts about her tips. As I am in no way qualified to provide anyone with life or career advice, I'm going to try and make it about me, so that my thoughts may not be generalizable and are not intended to be inspiring. I'm also going to take the liberty to reorganize the order of the points.

** Kill (at least) two birds with one stone.
This one was an interesting one for me. As recently as last year or early last term, I thought I was as much of a master at this as anyone, from the perspective of time management. I would have my day planned down to 10 minute blocks. I would always have something portable to do, even when visiting Joey, and I would always time my dinners around Canucks games. However, while this tip is great for improving your productivity, it's not necessarily generalizable to everyday life. I found myself increasingly burnt out and worried that I was wasting time, and it's taken me a while to realize how I can slow things down for myself and do more by doing less.

On the flip side, there is another way this tip resonated with me, and that is in regards to how I challenge (or make problems) for myself. Ever since elementary school, I have on occasion selected the more challenging projects that called for more or covered topics I was unfamiliar with. I went into pharmacy partly because people thought I wouldn't do well in a profession that requires(!) talking and working with people. And in university here, I have pursued and built up such a work-intensive portfolio of additional self-imposed duties (like my volunteering, dance, or even making notes for our classes) that I wonder sometimes if I have a split personality disorder. So killing extra birds is great, but watch how tired your arm is getting.

** Don't reinvent the wheel
Taken literally this one didn't speak to me, as all it suggests is to avoid innovation and imagination, which in itself is not a bad thing. But the point here is to ask about other people's experiences and to learn from them, good and bad alike. What I find hard about this is just finding things that are relevant for me. Whether it's people telling me about their relationships, about their job aspirations, or about their new favourite drink at Starbucks, it's difficult for me to learn something that is beyond superficial. I can ask where they took their girlfriend to dinner, whether they plan to apply for residency, how their weekend was, etc. but rarely what they see in their girlfriend, how they plan to make themselves a competitive residency applicant, or what they would have done over the weekend if they weren't in school. Part of this is applicable to a later tip ("Develop a genuine interest in people") but I think part of this has to do with always being above or below the conversation, and never on the same, comfortable level as the other person. People seem to think I will automatically get a residency or that my weekend is filled with studious work or volunteering, and when coupled with my isolation from TV shows or music trivia, makes the conversation never progress beyond small talk. And here, I'll also suggest that if we get past the conversation barrier, I'd still need to be able to apply this knowledge in my own way.

** Be a great imitator
I've thought long and hard about what this tip means to me, because it typically goes against the grain of what I've done with my life. It is a fantastic idea to imitate true role models, and I do have several people in my life that I admire. At the same time, it would have been much easier to imitate "average" or "stereotypical" - there certainly are enough people I have met over my school years who memorize hard but are less socially outgoing that fit my personality. So as I grew up, still learning about who I was, I had to make conscious choices to deviate from what was easy, from imitating my friends and to push myself into new and yes, awkward places. What else could have driven me to participating in a competition that required impromptu speech delivery, running for student council in front of the whole school, or for delivering the valedictorian speech, all in high school? And the train of thought is similar in university; I could certainly have done the easy thing and stayed in Science, within subjects I (relatively easily) excelled at.

So how do I imitate people, or how can I? I guess I do all the time, but more with small things rather than life choices. I cook steak like my dad does. I switched to Firefox when my brother did, and I've been working on comforting people even when I didn't feel like it, when my girlfriend pointed it out to me. I occasionally sit on a yoga ball for posture (like Kevin), I know I look better in slacks than the sloppy junk I usually wear (Jenny), and I get my hair cut short (girlfriend influence again). It's interesting how hard it is for me to come up with these examples; perhaps we really don't notice how others affect us, and maybe I would benefit more if I paid more attention.

** Be enthusiastic, it's infectious
This tip I thought was really something I can improve on, as I'm not really that outwardly enthusiastic about anything. I can see how exciting, how energizing and motivating it is to have people around you who are happy about being there, whether they're volunteering with you (eg. some of our PhUS councillors), teaching you (eg. some of our professors), or learning from you (eg. some of my students I have had the pleasure to peer-teach). I agree with Dr. Ensom that sometimes our personalities, acquired or innate, get in the way of us being able to speak well of ourselves. And sometimes, I have found it difficult to convey why I really enjoy doing something, even though I can say why that cause is important.

A small example is one day when Ty and I were working on our project with Dr. Grierson on synthesizing anti-HIV molecules, and we both received calls that day about what we were up to. I replied, "another column today," referring to chromatography. Ty, on the other hand, talked about how we were "making drugs" and "curing HIV." At first I thought that was misleading and kind of excessive, given the tiny scope of what we were doing. But now that I think about it, why can't I be excited about the bigger picture? Isn't that why I'm there in the first place?

** Don't forget the basics.
For me, this tip hit home in another way than the intended. I was thinking more in terms of my family, diet, exercise, and relationships with others. Over the last few years (particularly) in Pharmacy, living by myself most of the time on residence, it has been occasionally difficult to motivate myself to do the weekly chores, to cook lunch for the next day, to make time to go home on the weekend, or to head downstairs to work out in the face of all of our work. In general, though, I'm a relatively rational person and I realize these are important aspects of my life, so I do put in the time. However, when I'm having trouble eating or exercising, when I'm still too skinny, or when visiting family is more disruptive than staying by myself, it can be frustrating for me. So for me, I think I need to find joy in these activities themselves (ie. to try to cook different things, to actually look forward to seeing my family, to find exercise I like, etc.) instead of trying to motivate by telling myself it's good for me. That's a work in progress.

** Develop a genuine interest in people.
I think that taken literally, I do do this. I am certainly interested in how people "tick," what (and who) they like, what they don't like, and their experiences. I think that people see me on a pedestal, but I am someone who will spend the time to chat, if we meet in the PhUS lounge (for example), regardless of how busy my schedule is. I've tried relatively hard to make conversation more about the other person, not only because I'm interested, but also because I usually know less about them off the bat and because I don't want to intimidate anyone. This past year, I've been doing this much more and I've really enjoyed meeting some of my classmates (and other students not in my class) this way.

In terms of challenges, apart from my mood changes, the two things I think I need to work on to do this more consistently is to have a better memory and to overcome my shyness. Particularly the memory part - unlike Dr. Ensom, I don't have photographic memory and it's embarrassing to ask someone their name, only to realize I really should have known who they were.

** Be the mortar that pulls the bricks together.
This tip really resonated with me, because that was exactly how I described myself during one of my interviews, when trying to explain why I have never pursued an outright leadership role (eg. President). From when I served as secretary in our high school student council (and tried to pull together our "hard workers" and our "energy people"), more recently I have been editing the Pharmagram (which is harder than it looks) and taking on small projects (eg. Dave's gender-neutral degree nomenclature proposal, or the Cr/D/F proposal) here and there, wherever I can be helpful. When Dr. Ensom talk about how she would volunteer to do grunt work and work hard to "bridge" research knowhow with clinical questions, I was amazed by how dedicated she was to this principle despite being the busy and important teacher, researcher and clinician she is. Sometimes, I feel I'm giving too much of myself, and time management has become an issue for me this year (but not as much as I had expected it would). What I realized from this tip was that even though I don't feel like I am leading the way for anything specific, that being the support person in the background is just as important, and that maybe my lack of dedication to a single initiative or theme is more of an ability to apply my "mortaring" skills, which is a blessing in disguise.

** Be open to different ideas.
After thinking about this one, I'm not really sure where I'm at in terms of my receptiveness for new ideas. I'm generally a relatively open person in this regard; when someone tells me why the Liberal party is best, why Ovechkin rather than Crosby is the better hockey player, or why homelessness is the most pressing issue for the Lower Mainland, I'll tend to listen first, ask questions second, and say my own opinion last. However, when it comes to personal things, I've realized that it can be a lot more difficult for me to accept feedback that way, either positive or negative. Recently, several of my friends have talked to me about our personalities, the way we think, why we might be insecure or worried about what others think about us, and about good and bad things in our respective relationships. I find myself trying to explain that I have a bigger problem than my friends think I do. I think I will still find it hard to just do some of these suggestions (eg. "Just be happy!" or "You two should talk more") because obviously, there are reasons why I'm not already doing those things, whether I can explain them (to myself or to others) or not. But I think what I can take away is that I can still be appreciative of that feedback, the fact that it's coming from people that I trust and respect, and that my friends took the time to tell me that.

** Find your passion.
This one is interesting to me and I think it's safe to say that I'm still looking for my passion. I've always been able to find things that I am passionate about, within what I am doing. For example, in my volunteerism I have been passionate about improving the student experience (curricular or getting involved) and within our Downtown Eastside work, to give back to our clients instead of only being there to learn from them. I know there are certain elements that I really enjoy and would want to have as part of my work; teaching, collaboration, time for self-learning or research, and a feeling that I have actually done something tangible for people. But whether I have found that job, that specific passion that can give me those things, I don't think so. Hopefully!

** If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
I saved this one for last because this one resonated with me the most, and not just because I needed perseverance to get through this entry. I think everyone would agree that these ideas for success are not new, and as a person who does quite a lot of self-reflection, I have at some point told myself most of these ideas. For me, life is really about staying motivated, staying positive, and not giving up. It's hard if I feel that my skill set isn't what I would like it to be (as I sometimes do), when I walk out of interviews or away from a conversation and wish it had gone another way, or when I still can't lift that weight in the gym. I have to believe that things can't get worse, and they will get better if I keep re-assessing and improving myself.