So much, so fast

Things are moving pretty quick. We got back from the Dominican Republic three days ago and I haven't had the chance to blog about our time there. Haven't had the chance to blog about my graduation and my thoughts about trying to get some closure and perspective. And now, my thoughts have already moved ahead to my impending move to Toronto.

However, my graduation trip to Punta Cana was incredible, and so I should spend some time on it. Over the course of that week, I re-learned what it's like to go through a day without thinking about anything academic. We had days where we bounced from breakfast to lying on the beach to lunch to playing frisbee to dinner to watching a show. At the same time we also exercised other parts of our brains. We learned about the history of the country, we took hundreds of photos, and we honed our ability to anticipate needs and changes and to adjust to their social conventions, which all travellers need to do well. I also took the opportunity to practice some of my Spanish!

Specifically, we stayed at the all-inclusive resort Dreams Punta Cana Resort and Spa. We went on three excursions. Outback Safari, which took us into the countryside to see coffee and cocoa trees and plantations, handmade cigars, iguanas and alligators, boogie boarding on a beautiful beach, an elementary school, and a typical house. Punta Cana Boogie, which is basically driving a buggy in dirty, muddy "roads" (tons of fun) and we also stopped at a beach and at a cave to jump into the water there. We also went to the beautiful Katalina Island, which is in the Caribbean Sea, via catamaran; this excursion also included snorkeling, visiting a designer town called Altos de Chavon, and of course plenty of opportunity to sunbathe and relax with the breeze. The other days we mostly spent at the resort, balancing activities with the rain which would come and go. The girls taught me about alcohol and I now know a lot more than I did!

From the trip, I think that now my batteries are recharged. If I get stressed in the near future, all I have to do is hum "Danza Kuduro" and it'll bring me back to dancing on the catamaran, in the midst of the beautiful Caribbean Sea and with my friends. It was remarkably easy to come back here and readjust to the speed of life and social conventions back in Canada (I just have to stop the urge to say "Hola" or "Gracias" to everyone). Going on a trip with just four girls and no other guys has its limitations, in that the girls probably talked more to each other than to me, and in that I don't think I grew closer to them or vice versa. But overall there isn't much I would have changed about the trip and I think this was a bonding experience that we won't forget. Finally, the trip was also an opportunity for me to be a little bit selfish. I could order whatever I wanted on the menu; I could go swimming, play frisbee, go ocean kayaking, and wake up at 5:15am in order to catch the sunrise (all of which I did). Although I still spent an inordinate amount of time trying to warp myself around what I thought the girls needed or wanted me to be, by the end of the trip I was less so and was just doing what felt right or what I wanted to do.

And so that brings me to now (although if I have the time I should write about graduation). Now, it's that awkward week I have left before I move to Toronto, when I should be organizing and packing but haven't really started (or want to start), and when I'm basically organizing a week of self-centred activities so that I can say goodbye. And when I say it's so much, so fast, it's because I need to say goodbye but I still don't know what to say. The other piece is that everyone has their own lives, or in the case of Joey, I've been trying my best to reassure her and stay positive about everything and our relationship in the face of our impending physical separation. And that despite this, I feel like I'm the one who needs reassurance and that's why I'm so grateful to have such supportive friends. I am not their closest friend or that easy to connect with, they tease me a lot and sometimes I feel like I'm not getting back what I'm giving; but really, deep down I know that they have my back. And so the apparent conclusion is that the focus needs to go back to me now, to my confidence and personality (ie. rather than me trying to support others), and secondly that the imminent loneliness of such a self-centred focus is going to make these goodbyes really, really hard.