Post-OSCE

So rather than the post-OSCE euphoria that I thought I would be experiencing, instead I'm having a tough time trying to stay positive. During the OSCE's I didn't think I was doing well, but I didn't think I was doing terribly either. In fact I thought I aced a few stations. Only after did I realize that everyone else felt horrible, and when I talked to a few people about why they felt so terrible, then I started to realize my mistakes, that those stations I thought I aced I in fact bombed, and that I have yet to talk to someone who did poorer than I did. There was actually a point tonight where I started googling OSCE pass rates and such.

First of all, it's just really disappointing that I think I did so poorly on the OSCE's. These exams are supposed to be a good opportunity for us to show what we know. And I still think that I can be a good pharmacist. Maybe it's upsetting because there is less of a wrong answer in real life, because you can monitor and follow-up, whereas in the exam I need to recommend whatever I'm supposed to recommend and I just wasn't picking up the clues.

I think I'm okay with failing the OSCEs. Initially I would probably be embarrassed, but now that I think about it, I probably deserve to fail, and it's more of a disappointment than anything else.

Although I shouldn't think about it this way, I think that my poor OSCE performance might be reflective of how I might practice as a real pharmacist; which is scary to say. I think that I'm the type of individual with good knowledge here and there, but I have some key gaps in my assessment process. I seem to always have an opinion about something, which means that I don't always check the reference and that leads to errors.

In two days I'm supposed to be graduating and it's supposed to be a big achievement. While I've gained lots of knowledge and I can be a pharmacist, I think today has shown me that I'm missing some key competencies. People seem too quick to give me credit for things that they think I'm good at; I'm really not feeling as if I'm very good at this pharmacy gig. This really is taking small steps in big shoes. Hopefully I can stay positive and not kill myself over negative anticipation.