UBC Cinnamon Buns

How do you make the UBC cinnamon buns?

UBC students have been hoovering up these sticky treats for more than 50 years. Introduced in 1954 by a Hungarian baker named Grace Hasz, the bake shop produces 100 dozen buns daily. In recent years, Food Services has produced a miniature version of the cinnamon bun, responding to our modern belief that rich, delicious foods are bad for us. The traditional recipe calls for margarine rather than butter. But why? Probably because the original recipe was concocted post WWII when butter was hard to come by.

The one great omission here is raisins. For those of us who think raisins make anything taste better, distribute a cup of them on the dough just after you sprinkle on the filling.

Dough

3 cups (750 mL) 2% milk
6 tablespoons (90 mL) butter
6 tablespoons (90 mL) granulated sugar
1 tablespoon (15 mL) salt
1 teaspoon (5 mL) sugar
1/2 cup (125 mL) warm water
2 (8 g) packages active dry yeast
2 large eggs
9 cups (2.25 L) all-purpose flour, about

Filling

11/4 cups (300 mL) sugar
2 tablespoons (30 mL) ground cinnamon
3/4 cup (175 mL) melted butter, divided

Dough:

Scald milk. Stir in butter, 6 tablespoons (90 mL) sugar and salt. Cool to lukewarm.

Dissolve the 1 teaspoon (5 mL) sugar in lukewarm water. Sprinkle yeast over water mixture. Let stand in warm place for 10 minutes; stir.

In large bowl, combine lukewarm milk mixture and eggs. Stir in dissolved yeast. Add 4 to 5 cups (1 to 1.25 L) flour and beat well for 10 minutes. With wooden spoon, gradually add enough of the remaining flour to make a soft dough. Turn dough out on to lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, adding additional flour as needed. (This is a soft dough.) Place in well greased bowl and roll dough over to grease the top. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in warm place for 1 hour or until double in size.

Meanwhile prepare filling: In small bowl, combine sugar and cinnamon; set aside.

Punch down dough and turn out on to lightly floured surface. Divide dough in half.

Roll out each piece of dough into 18×9-inch (46×23 cm) rectangle. Brush each rectangle generously with melted butter. Place remaining melted butter in bottom of 161/2 x111/2 x21/2-inch (42x29x6 cm) pan.

Sprinkle an equal portion of sugar-cinnamon mixture evenly over each rectangle. Roll each dough rectangle up tightly like a jelly roll, starting from the long side; pinch seam to seal. With sharp knife, cut into 2-inch (5 cm) slices. Arrange slices, cut-side down, in prepared pan and cover loosely with greased wax paper. Let rise in warm place for 45 to 60 minutes or until doubled in size.

Bake at 350 F (180 C) for 35 to 45 minutes or until baked. Remove from oven and immediately invert on to serving tray.

Makes 18 large cinnamon buns.

Approximate nutritional analysis for each serving: 433 cal, 9 g pro, 14 g fat, 69 g carb.

Source: http://www.alumni.ubc.ca/about/faq/#buns

Three days before departure

By now, the goodbyes have wound down a bit. Before I reflect I want to record what I've done in the last week so I don't forget; because I didn't take many photos at all.

Thu June 9, 2011 - back at midnight from the Dominican Republic. Tired, sweaty, mosquito-bitten, but also relaxed, refreshed, destressed, and exhilarated from a ton of fun with Stephanie, Julianna, Jenny and Tzu.

Fri June 10, 2011 - booked the day off to spend with Joey to watch Game 5 (Boston at Vancouver), downtown at Red Robins; a 1-0 win on a Lapierre goal.

Sun June 12, 2011 - visited EAT Vancouver with Joey and sampled lots of yummy food, including pork belly sandwich, tuna tataki with mango and avocado, and blueberry and mango/pineapple sorbetto from Canadian Maple Delights. delicious. Then went to the Designer Shoe Sale next door in the other Vancouver Convention centre, where we were lured into a big warehouse-type room with rows and rows of size 6 shoes (Joey's dream, my worst nightmare). After browsing the whole thing for 1.5 hours and not finding anything suitable, I had my name drawn for a draw, meaning that we had won a free pair of (ladies) shoes, and that we had to go through the whole selection again to find Joey a pair.

Mon June 13, 2011 - I can't remember what I did in the morning, but Joey came over for dinner and also to watch Game 6 at my place.

Tue June 14, 2011 - visited UBC in the morning to drop off the Honorary Activities Award cup, run some errands, and also had coffee with Sandra (her treat, again, despite my attempt to pay this time) and said goodbye. I also gave her a photo of my graduation with Joey and my family in it, because she didn't get to meet them in person at graduation.

Then went downtown to wait for Joey, then went to Kingyo in downtown Vancouver (hapa food) for dinner with Julianna, Stephanie, Jenny, Bing Wei, Ellen, Danny, and Oswald. Afterward we went to Capstone for fondue and bubble tea. It was really good to see everyone, and I had to say goodbye to Juli, Bing Wei, Ellen and Danny there.

Wed June 15, 2011 - In the morning visited Burnett to drop off a graduation photo with Ms. Takada, my high school counsellor. Visited my doctor to figure out some vaccination stuff, then went to Broadway first to Chapters to waste time, then to Boston Pizza to reserve a seat for the big Game 7! Watched the game with Joey, Bernice Lee and her friend Lilian. Said goodbye to Bernice after the game. Also watched the rioting as it happened on TV when I got home.

Thu June 16, 2011 - Had my driving exam in the early afternoon and passed it! Class 5! In the late afternoon had a Skype chat with Maryam, where we updated each other on our summers so far! Afterward went to dinner at Pisces Fish and Chips in Richmond with Rachel, Kevin, Leon, Sarah, Beatrice, and Nelson, and the girls and Kevin stayed to visit Jin at Starbucks next door afterwards. I hadn't seen most of them in a long time, and it was barely enough time to update each other and share some stories before I said goodbye to all of them. Rachel drove me home too.

Fri June 17, 2011 - Went to Branas Mediterranean Grill in Vancouver with Cindy, Mark, Irfan and Joey; again we updated each other and shared some stories (eg. learned about the chocolate chili, kimchi and balsamic vinegar flavours of gelato at La Casa from Mark) and I said goodbye. Then headed home for dinner (lobster tails =D), prepared for the barbeque the next day and then caught a late-night movie (Pirates 4) with my sister.

Sat June 18, 2011 - went early to Jericho Beach to claim a table; ended up having a fantastic barbeque on a cloudy and mostly non-rainy day with Herb, Steph, Tzu, Max, Oswald, Alice, and Jenny. We had a lot of fun, ate a lot of meat, fruit, veggies, and other goodies. Alice brought her mom's banana-leaf-wrapped sticky rice (zong zi) and tons of food that we ended up having to cart home. Thanks to Tzu and Max who brought the barbeque and manned the cooking.

Although these haven't happened yet:

[edit: have updated these days]

Sun June 19, 2011 - visit Steveston Farmer's market with Joey. We bought ingredients for sandwiches there (greens and Fieldstone Italian Puglese bread, which we thought was kind of like a sourdough when we ate it) and also had some beef chili from the guy with the tank. The tank is apparently from Czechoslovakia and they used it to feed soup to the troops in the wars. We basically skipped lunch and went to RC for a little bit. I went home, learned how to file taxes with my mom, and then packed a bit and had dinner. Met up with Charlene at Estea after dinner - we hadn't talked in a long time!

Mon June 20, 2011 - day with Joey. Met in the morning after Joey's mom's CT scan at Dragon View in Richmond (formerly Wah Wing) for dimsum with her parents and my mom, then just Joey and I bussed up to Kits for a beach afternoon. The sun came out for us! We ate the sandwiches (see above) on the beach, then went to the Boathouse for our favourite desserts there (mocha ice cream mud pie for me, and trio of sorbets - mango, blood orange and blackberry - for her), which were very large and cost $8 each. After our goodbye, I went home via RC and randomly dropped by the Virgin stall where Tiff was luckily working to say hi and bye. At home I had a lobster dinner, then played hockey with Dennis and Adrian, and then played some video games with A and J. Tzu and Juli also called me =), although by then, I think I was so caught up in leaving and the 'saying goodbye' mode that I forgot to ask about Juli's Tofino trip, and more importantly to say happy birthday!

Tue June 21, 2011 - fly to Toronto, leaving at 9:30am.

So reflection-wise; today was the day that I started packing in earnest, although I don't feel like I'm doing it very completely. Not only does it remind me how difficult things might be initially (as I'm not bringing the comforts that I'm used to, like my cheddar cheese Pringles can sitting on my table, or all my photos (I'm bringing just two), or my bed or side table or hole puncher), but I also packed while listening to my (short) friend playlist. To explain, I've asked some of my friends to each give me a song that will remind me of them (if I haven't asked you, I plan to tonight or tomorrow =D). And so right now I only have three songs (hopefully I have more than three friends) and the act of packing, leaving, made me feel sad today. I think the act of having planned all these events this week, and needing to say goodbye to a group of people that means a lot to me on a daily basis, is hard on me. Plus, I need to and I want to stay positive each day, because it's my last day with them for a while.

So much, so fast

Things are moving pretty quick. We got back from the Dominican Republic three days ago and I haven't had the chance to blog about our time there. Haven't had the chance to blog about my graduation and my thoughts about trying to get some closure and perspective. And now, my thoughts have already moved ahead to my impending move to Toronto.

However, my graduation trip to Punta Cana was incredible, and so I should spend some time on it. Over the course of that week, I re-learned what it's like to go through a day without thinking about anything academic. We had days where we bounced from breakfast to lying on the beach to lunch to playing frisbee to dinner to watching a show. At the same time we also exercised other parts of our brains. We learned about the history of the country, we took hundreds of photos, and we honed our ability to anticipate needs and changes and to adjust to their social conventions, which all travellers need to do well. I also took the opportunity to practice some of my Spanish!

Specifically, we stayed at the all-inclusive resort Dreams Punta Cana Resort and Spa. We went on three excursions. Outback Safari, which took us into the countryside to see coffee and cocoa trees and plantations, handmade cigars, iguanas and alligators, boogie boarding on a beautiful beach, an elementary school, and a typical house. Punta Cana Boogie, which is basically driving a buggy in dirty, muddy "roads" (tons of fun) and we also stopped at a beach and at a cave to jump into the water there. We also went to the beautiful Katalina Island, which is in the Caribbean Sea, via catamaran; this excursion also included snorkeling, visiting a designer town called Altos de Chavon, and of course plenty of opportunity to sunbathe and relax with the breeze. The other days we mostly spent at the resort, balancing activities with the rain which would come and go. The girls taught me about alcohol and I now know a lot more than I did!

From the trip, I think that now my batteries are recharged. If I get stressed in the near future, all I have to do is hum "Danza Kuduro" and it'll bring me back to dancing on the catamaran, in the midst of the beautiful Caribbean Sea and with my friends. It was remarkably easy to come back here and readjust to the speed of life and social conventions back in Canada (I just have to stop the urge to say "Hola" or "Gracias" to everyone). Going on a trip with just four girls and no other guys has its limitations, in that the girls probably talked more to each other than to me, and in that I don't think I grew closer to them or vice versa. But overall there isn't much I would have changed about the trip and I think this was a bonding experience that we won't forget. Finally, the trip was also an opportunity for me to be a little bit selfish. I could order whatever I wanted on the menu; I could go swimming, play frisbee, go ocean kayaking, and wake up at 5:15am in order to catch the sunrise (all of which I did). Although I still spent an inordinate amount of time trying to warp myself around what I thought the girls needed or wanted me to be, by the end of the trip I was less so and was just doing what felt right or what I wanted to do.

And so that brings me to now (although if I have the time I should write about graduation). Now, it's that awkward week I have left before I move to Toronto, when I should be organizing and packing but haven't really started (or want to start), and when I'm basically organizing a week of self-centred activities so that I can say goodbye. And when I say it's so much, so fast, it's because I need to say goodbye but I still don't know what to say. The other piece is that everyone has their own lives, or in the case of Joey, I've been trying my best to reassure her and stay positive about everything and our relationship in the face of our impending physical separation. And that despite this, I feel like I'm the one who needs reassurance and that's why I'm so grateful to have such supportive friends. I am not their closest friend or that easy to connect with, they tease me a lot and sometimes I feel like I'm not getting back what I'm giving; but really, deep down I know that they have my back. And so the apparent conclusion is that the focus needs to go back to me now, to my confidence and personality (ie. rather than me trying to support others), and secondly that the imminent loneliness of such a self-centred focus is going to make these goodbyes really, really hard.

Post-OSCE

So rather than the post-OSCE euphoria that I thought I would be experiencing, instead I'm having a tough time trying to stay positive. During the OSCE's I didn't think I was doing well, but I didn't think I was doing terribly either. In fact I thought I aced a few stations. Only after did I realize that everyone else felt horrible, and when I talked to a few people about why they felt so terrible, then I started to realize my mistakes, that those stations I thought I aced I in fact bombed, and that I have yet to talk to someone who did poorer than I did. There was actually a point tonight where I started googling OSCE pass rates and such.

First of all, it's just really disappointing that I think I did so poorly on the OSCE's. These exams are supposed to be a good opportunity for us to show what we know. And I still think that I can be a good pharmacist. Maybe it's upsetting because there is less of a wrong answer in real life, because you can monitor and follow-up, whereas in the exam I need to recommend whatever I'm supposed to recommend and I just wasn't picking up the clues.

I think I'm okay with failing the OSCEs. Initially I would probably be embarrassed, but now that I think about it, I probably deserve to fail, and it's more of a disappointment than anything else.

Although I shouldn't think about it this way, I think that my poor OSCE performance might be reflective of how I might practice as a real pharmacist; which is scary to say. I think that I'm the type of individual with good knowledge here and there, but I have some key gaps in my assessment process. I seem to always have an opinion about something, which means that I don't always check the reference and that leads to errors.

In two days I'm supposed to be graduating and it's supposed to be a big achievement. While I've gained lots of knowledge and I can be a pharmacist, I think today has shown me that I'm missing some key competencies. People seem too quick to give me credit for things that they think I'm good at; I'm really not feeling as if I'm very good at this pharmacy gig. This really is taking small steps in big shoes. Hopefully I can stay positive and not kill myself over negative anticipation.

May update

My friend Stephanie introduced me several weeks ago to thoughtcatalog.com. It's a hodgepodge of short articles written by supposedly selected authors going somewhere in life, resulting in some diamonds in the rough but a lot of inconsistency. I suppose that is a good thing, otherwise I would spend a lot more time on it.

So far, not too much has happened in May, and yet a lot of things have happened. I arrived back in Vancouver from Victoria several weeks ago, and have been hard at work most days revising for my board exams. It's quite an adjustment to study for an endpoint that is somewhat nebulous. When you don't have specific learning objectives or a specifically-recommended resource to work off of, I have to have confidence in myself that I'm doing my studying the right way. Comparing my progress with others is both motivating and a source of significant stress, as you can appreciate.

I've also received and signed my offer letter for my residency with St. Michael's, booked my plane ticket there, and booked temporary housing there for the latter half of June. I leave June 21st. I also will be going to the Dominican Republic for a grad trip early June, and will be graduating on May 31 with the rest of my pharmacy classmates. My mom is also having her surgery (I don't know exactly what it is; probably a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy?) this Friday, so I hope things go well.

I've neglected my blog in the last few weeks, and it was the writing on thoughtcatalog that drove me back here. Both the poor and the well-written thoughts on that website have shown me how important it is for me to reflect, to explore with words rather than incompletely formed thoughts, and to tell someone, even if it could be anyone reading, what I am thinking about. I've also recently questioned what I should be writing online (versus perhaps writing in a more private place), given that I'm no longer going to be a student, and my writing often ends up being verbal diarrhea. At least I don't claim to be anyone special.

This article (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/i-suck-at-breaking-up-with-girls/) resonated with me. I recall one time when I came close to breaking up with J, and several other times when I have seriously thought about it. Also, I've been asked why I love her, and I want to be able to answer that question properly.

Like my reasons for staying in pharmacy, why I love J has changed over the years. During that first year, although we were "dating," we were really more just extremely close friends (with some benefits, I suppose) because we went to school, ate meals, and studied together, almost on a daily basis. First-year university is a scary prospect for most students, and we helped and supported each other along the way; for example, we would join clubs together (which I probably would not have done on my own) and if I ever needed someone to talk to, she was just down the hall. So I loved her in that way, which was to have a companion to work with, talk with and laugh with.

In the years immediately following, we physically moved further apart. I went into pharmacy school while J stayed in the Sciences, and we both met new circles of friends and joined activities separately from each other (not like I was allowed to do pole-dancing =D). Because we both stayed on residence, though, we stayed quite close. Having that access to each other was quite stabilizing for both of us, I think. Although we weren't doing everything together anymore, we were obviously still very much part of each other's lives. I would often bring over my schoolwork still, and we would study together. However, over the years we learned to put in the effort to plan outings and dinners so that we wouldn't fall in the trap of a simple routine.

What did I love about her? I loved her smile, her hair, her ability to make me forget about a tough day, and her energy. I loved learning little things about her and learning her special abilities that few people know, and noting how they complemented my lack of knowledge and skill in many areas of life. I loved the passions that we share, for science, for hockey, for humour, and for justice (for the most part). I loved how she takes the initiative to try sports, travel, and foods, but at the same time is so indecisive about other things.

Where did some of the doubt creep in? A lot of it had to do with times when the going got tough. As I've commented before, in third-year pharmacy I was irritable a lot of the time, and for J, she would be understandably irritable for parts of the year. When one of us is feeling normal, things tend to be okay. However, my pride often gets in the way of me saying and doing what I should do, and I end up in cycles of negative thinking. Without actually saying anything, through my inaction I would criticize her personality, the way she talks to or treats people, her ability to think rationally, or her chances of being accepted into medical school. I would ask myself what she does for me, at times when I felt that I was doing a lot for her.

So why am I still with her, and what has changed? One is, over the years we have learned to improve our communication. She's been with me long enough to know when I need my time and space, and that I'll apologize after I get my shit together but not before. And I've learned that when she's distressed about something, that even though I think I know what's wrong, and even though I think she should do something specific about it, that she just wants comfort and that that is the wrong time to pursue something, regardless of what my opinion is. Secondly, we've grown (physically) further apart still, but closer together. We've had some of the important conversations that all couples inevitably have, and we know that we're relatively compatible with each other. We remain interested in each other, in each other's lives, and we look forward to when we get to see each other next and connect. And finally, I've stopped looking to her to make me feel good about myself. It's a flawed strategy to hope or expect your significant other to make you someone you want to be. (In my previous posts, I've discussed this issue at length.) And so, related to that, I've also stopped trying to change J, and I'm trying to accept her and accept me for who we are.

So can I answer the question, why do I love her, now? Not elegantly, and not concisely. But I think I do, and that's what counts. When I look into her eyes, I feel that I'm the only one for her, and I know that she feels the same way about me, despite our flaws.

On June 21, I'll be on a one-way flight to Toronto for a one-year work term. I have no idea where my destiny lies, but I do know that between work and family, family comes first for me. And although J doesn't know this yet, I have a promise ring for her (I hope it fits). They say that all promise rings need to have a clearly delineated promise that comes with it, to avoid confusion (as I don't intend it as a pre-engagement ring) and to add meaning. At a loss for any poetic language, J, I promise that I will be true to you, and that I love you.